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Anonymous

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Valuable and empowering tools presented in a very gentle manner (that was sometimes overly so)

Overall
4 out of 5 stars
Performance
4 out of 5 stars
Story
3 out of 5 stars

Reviewed: 02-23-25

The author combines some historical examples, theories of feminism and social science, with some pop psychology and also Buddhist principles (which are presented at the end for self healing, and every day tools for success) into an overall compelling narrative meant to help women manage stress much better, liberate them from self-judgment, and internalized patriarchal unreasonable demands (misogyny. This is all done in an extremely accessible, gentle, and secular manner with a variety of illustrative stories.

Overall I think this book is a really positive force but it was not until I got to the second third, that I began to enjoy it. Many of us women are dealing with very serious and not cute headwinds in life and I would've appreciated slightly more authoritative and factual tone. In fact the times that I most enjoyed her writing was when she was behaving a little more spicy.

The first third is spent basically going over some pop psychology and psychological tools (but she does it in a way that is so overly accessible as to be sacchrine and childish so it was difficult for me to really get benefit from those passages - another problem was that I already have a pretty strong familiarity with psychology so it felt somehow both patronizing but ponderous at the same time). In the second 33% she primarily discusses feminism through the lens of sociology and history, and this is when I began to enjoy it. In particular I enjoyed her discussion of societal body dysmorphia, using health studies to underline the fact that skinny bodies are not necessarily more healthy , and that the origins of the skinny ideal are rooted in a patriarchal expectation that women stay weak and meek and depend on them, in order that they can feel masculine.

In the final 33% I had my notepad out and I was taking all sorts of notes . She dealt much deeper into interesting psychological principles, and discusses various self-help exercise exercises, rooting a lot of of these in theories about trauma. These were basically a repackaging of Buddhist principles but she does so in a way that I think could be useful even if you are already very familiar with such. Another benefit of repackaging Buddhist principles is that we've all heard words like mindfulness and gratitude so many times that they sort of start to lose meaning and also a lot of people are put off by any touchy-feely sounding spiritual stuff. So the way that she recasted these in new in different secular terms and personification can provide a valuable thinking framework and set of exercises as well as daily tools for improvement. (I did not always like the personification or terms she used but the essence of what was conveyed was compelling). Another big highlight was her discussion of the science of rest and restoration and why this is so important.

Overall this book was valuable but it will probably be even more compelling for people that do not have a background in the physiological components of the stress response , sociology, psychology, and Buddhism. I know that this criticism is ironic but it still stands true!

If I could make a suggestion for this to be reworked which of course it won't but I would have put things in slightly less gentle terms it just feels overly parental and patronizing. But the meat of what she is trying to convey is really great. Ironically I think that people who do suffer from perfectionism will be more irritated by these issues 😆

PROBLEMS
More details on what I felt like was problematic.
1. The phrasin can feel juvenile and patronizing... as if it was designed for an 11-year-old. It feels like a 50-year-old virgin is trying to lecture prostitute about her own struggles.
2. She speaks in a high-pitched voice and uses a lot of gee-whiz visuals and examples, with overly childish gentleness and tinkly piano music in the background whenever there is an emotional moment. It's really hard to get through!
3. Another problem is that a very large part of the book is just based on Buddhist principles, and essential psychology so if you are specialized in those areas it will feel overly facile and childish.
3. From the gee-whiz writing to the baby voice reading, to the use of Disney stories to relate principles to grown women, every moment was like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. There are definitely some valuable lessons in here but it is definitely not suitable for someone with a background in psychology or that has done any personal development whatsoever. If psychology topics are brand new to you and you love Disney for adults then this might be easier to digest. I can imagine the difficulty of trying to write for a general audience and knowing that most of the people you are talking to are not familiar with any kind of psychology but for someone with a graduate level education and many years of professional experience it was tough to get through. Which is too bad because the delivery was a barrier to access the most likely valuable lessons. it looks like tons of women have gotten a lot of value out of this so I'm really happy to hear that but for this particular reader it was not a good fit.

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Misogynist

Overall
1 out of 5 stars
Performance
1 out of 5 stars
Story
1 out of 5 stars

Reviewed: 01-29-25

this is an important story for anyone studying history however, it was ruined for me by the intermittent misogyny. He justifies Valclav's infidelity to his wife by pointing out that she often had a sad expression on her face, and because he lived the life of an artist (ch 8).

This type of misogyny is way out of date and these boys will be boys dismissals are completely inappropriate in a civilized discussion. he goes on to say that "we cannot speak of family happiness in their case especially when they remained childless". This should be culturally contextualized because the default assumption in today's modern era is not that all childless people are unhappy there's nothing wrong with being childless. The statement should be couched in cultural expectations of the time.

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Misogynist drivel

Overall
1 out of 5 stars
Performance
3 out of 5 stars
Story
1 out of 5 stars

Reviewed: 01-22-25

This tome is dense and heady, with some potentially valuable ideas but it is completely ruined by his smugness, sociocentric vaunting of white achievements and thought over "African primitive" thought, and in particular intermittent misogyny and putdowns to women. For example, every laudable trait is assigned to the male gender, as in "he rebels against his master", but when discussing negative traits women are used as an example. He quotes Scheler in noting the "prominent place that resentment has in the psychology of women who are dedicated to desire and possession" when discussing that trait. Whatever value this work may have had this odious frame of reference and patriarchal positioning discredit and devalue it in its entirety. Odious and offensive, I was not able to get past six chapters. I do not recommend. Enough is enough, let us stop praising and valuing unctuous perspectives such as this. The time has come.

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Wonderful

Overall
5 out of 5 stars
Performance
5 out of 5 stars
Story
5 out of 5 stars

Reviewed: 01-22-25

this was an absolutely heartbreaking story but nonetheless riveting and so insightful as to what the lives must have been like for women during the dust bowl. Like all of her books this novel is about women surviving in a world of nearly uniform hardship.

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Fascinating

Overall
5 out of 5 stars
Performance
4 out of 5 stars
Story
5 out of 5 stars

Reviewed: 01-10-25

this is fascinating and inspiring review of bio engineering with substantial commentary as to possible future outcomes. The book is highly educational and didactic, and it is designed to be highly accessible (not too technical) the authors' sense of excitement and inspiration and passion for the topic is rather contagious and it will inspire you to think about a possible better future with the use of synthetic biology. Whether you are against or for genetic engineering this book is chalk full of examples stories and ideas that will fascinate. I would particularly recommend it for someone who is against GMO's because I think that they accessible scientific information might inform their views.

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phenomenal

Overall
5 out of 5 stars
Performance
5 out of 5 stars
Story
5 out of 5 stars

Reviewed: 12-09-24

this should be required reading for all adult Americans, including and especially young people. This pithy book is rich with knowledge, and will have you playing the short chapters again and again. The author seeks to raise awareness about the context in which tyranny has arisen historically and how we are in danger of it happening today in America.
Very engaging, well-written and digestible yet powerful. It will leave you feeling empowered to stand up for freedom.

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Antiquated but valuable.

Overall
3 out of 5 stars
Performance
3 out of 5 stars
Story
3 out of 5 stars

Reviewed: 10-14-24

nothing I can say and diminish the fact that this book has helped thousands of people and it's very famous and just talking about a love language is a meme these days. It was interesting to read the actual book. this book I find to be antiquated it is written by an older conservative Christian man, and it is written for conservative religious older couples that are in unhappy marriages and who have a low level of self-awareness and psychological awareness. I understand why he did this in terms of making it basic language, he would like it to be accessible to many people and especially people that don't think that they are into psychological or emotional growth. However is accessible in his world is not accessible in my world. I come from a liberal and progressive area I am a woman in her mid 40s dating a man who is 50, and neither of us have been married, and neither of us are conservative Christians. My peers are highly educated , professionally successful , and they do not get married until they're late 30s or 40s or 50s . I think that this book would benefit from an accompanying text written for younger people and people who did not get married straight out of high school and are now in a bad relationship. How could this be crafted to help people who are in a new relationship? The core teachings of the book are essential and could easily be repackaged. Unfortunately the way it is presented as very offputting to me and probably to a lot of other people. Jesus is not a recurrent guiding light in my life. I have my spiritual beliefs. How about a book about building this type of awareness into relationships from the beginning? lastly I noticed that his lens to see the world assumes that women should be in the house doing domestic labor and men should be out in the world working, and furthermore a woman who is 36 with no children is very late to the game. ("never did have children"). That is not old to have children anymore. Play the teachings of this book will be limited by this dated perspective.
lastly , it goes without saying that this book is written only for cis het man and wife couples. and that is only written for people practicing love in the sanctity of marriage. you are a 50-year-old attorney that's never been married and you've just met the woman in your dreams who is a banker, this book is not written for you.

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Awful

Overall
1 out of 5 stars
Performance
1 out of 5 stars
Story
1 out of 5 stars

Reviewed: 05-22-24

this book is horrendous. First of all she says fibromyalgia incorrectly the entire time - every other sentence she's saying FIBERmyalgia (or FIBERfog) into your ear. he even goes through the entomology and still says it incorrectly . Just this alone is increasing the pain all over my body. secondly the book is absurdly repetitive. It novice, only presenting extremely simple basic information, it does not delve into depth on any solutions. if you have any education whatsoever about stress management or scheduling your day or if you've ever heard of therapy then you will find nothing of value in this book. Furthermore she makes a lot of incorrect statements, for instance, the impacts of Fibro "aren't dire". WHAT? In another moment she states that full body pain from fibromyalgia results from not doing your daily chores. If only we were to move around and "sweep the porch" the pain would just go away. WHAT? I am in a competitive running group, and do 16 miles minimum each week on rocky terrain at altitude, and I can assure you that I still wake up every morning with excruciating pain in all of the major muscle groups of my legs. This book makes me want to scream at my phone and throw it through a window. it reads like a pamphlet on safe sex for 12--year-olds. The writing and the tone is so patronizing it sounds like it should be targeted at either five-year-olds or 80-year-olds that are feeble minded . if you love reading medical diagrams from the 1960s you will probably enjoy the writing style. This book is an insult to the depth of pain that we endure each day. Do better.
Edit: the information is outdated. Recent research shows that fibromyalgia may indeed be an autoimmune related condition.

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pretty good

Overall
3 out of 5 stars
Performance
3 out of 5 stars
Story
3 out of 5 stars

Reviewed: 04-15-24

A straightforward retelling of his interesting but also very charmed, priviledged life of easy success and accomplishment. The unspoken filter and perspective is of a well to do aloha male, who has been invited into positions of doninance his whole life. just another successful man sharing his tips for success but completely blind to the pre-conditions that made it possible. He talks a lot about sports so that is interesting to you you will probably like it.

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Absolutely fantastic

Overall
5 out of 5 stars
Performance
5 out of 5 stars
Story
5 out of 5 stars

Reviewed: 04-10-24

this book was so unbelievably interesting even as a person that has studied evolutionary psychology their entire life this book is chalk full of biologic insights and underpinnings and helpful information to understand the state of women today she wins today and the male female relationship today. Not to mention just a ton of weird fascinating science. the author is clear, compelling, interesting and writes with a beautiful prose that almost sounds like poetry at times. This is one of those books that you become slightly obsessed with and start sending to all of your women friends. I think I took four pages of notes. It's a candidate for my favorite book of the year.

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