Anonymous

From a young age, Ed Gamble's immaculate bibs and extremely dirty nappies hinted at his capacious appetite. Before he could walk, Ed already knew that he preferred poached salmon to puree, that celery was a calorie-sapping waste of time, and that mashed potatoes should be made with lashings of butter. Whilst he might ordinarily have been upset by the calls of 'precocious little s--t' coming from his family, he was too busy stuffing his gob and staging rebellions against the patronising list of misery that is a children's menu.

When some school strawberry plants are vandalised, a lost shoe buckle at the scene of the crime leads straight to the Naughtiest Girl. The next night, as she's dropping off to sleep, someone shouts 'Fire!' - so Elizabeth jumps up and rings the fire bell. But there is no fire and now Elizabeth is being blamed for a catalogue of silly tricks. If she can't prove her innocence, she's in line to lose her hard-won part in the school play.

Comedians Ed Gamble and James Acaster invite special guests into their magical restaurant to each choose their favourite starter, main course, side dish, dessert and drink. Ever wanted to eat your dream meal? It's time to order Off Menu. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.