Friends (1994–2004)
Jennifer Aniston: Rachel Green
Photos
Quotes
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Rachel : I don't want my baby's first words to be "How You Doing"
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Phoebe : Ok, I got an idea. If it's a girl, Phoebe, naturally. And, if it's a boy... Phoebo.
Ross : Uhh... Sure, but let's not limit ourselves to just one name.
Rachel : Ok, I got one. If it's a girl... Sandrine. It's French.
Ross : That's a great name... for an industrial solvent.
Rachel : Ok, you got a better one?
Ross : Yeah, check this out. If it's a boy - Darwin.
Rachel : Yes, Ross, I do want a son who'll be regularly beaten in the schoolyard.
Phoebe : By Sandrine.
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Monica : Rach, it's the Visa card people.
Rachel : Oh, God, ask them what they want.
Monica : [on the phone] Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? Yes, hold on.
[to Rachel]
Monica : Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account.
Rachel : But I haven't used my card in weeks.
Monica : That is the unusual activity.
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[Re: "If you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?"]
Monica : Sex!
Chandler : Seriously. Answer faster.
Monica : I'm sorry, sweetie. When she said "sex" I wasn't thinking of sex with you.
Chandler : It's like a big hug.
Phoebe : Ross, how about you? Sex or food?
Ross : Sex!
Phoebe : What about sex or dinosaurs?
Ross : My God, it's like Sophie's Choice.
Phoebe : Joey, if you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?
Joey : I don't know it's too hard.
Rachel : Come on, you have to answer.
Joey : Okay... sex. No, food. No, uh... I want both! I want girls on bread!
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[Ross and Rachel are picking out names for their baby, and have each 5 vetoes]
Ross : Curie.
Rachel : Veto. Rain.
Ross : Veto. Mark.
Rachel : Veto. Vince.
Ross : Veto. Lance.
Rachel : Veto. James.
Ross : Hmmm...
Rachel : If it's a girl.
Ross : Veto.
Phoebe : Is it just me, or is Vito beginning to sound real good?
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[a ritual to get rid of bad-boyfriend karma]
Phoebe : Okay, now we need the sage branches and the sacramental wine.
Monica : All I have is oregano and a Fresca.
Phoebe : That's okay.
[Adds them]
Phoebe : All right, now we need the semen of a righteous man.
Rachel : OK, Pheebs, you know what? If we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place.
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Monica : What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.
Joey : Yeah, right!... Y'serious?
Phoebe : Oh, yeah!
Rachel : Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
Monica : Absolutely.
Chandler : Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
Ross : Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket.
Chandler : The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake.
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Ross : [leaning over and talking to Rachel's lap] I can't wait to play with you all day, and to hear your first words.
Phoebe : [wide eyed] Why are you letting him talk to your crotch that way?
Rachel : He's talking to the baby.
Phoebe : Oh, that's good. Because when I heard, "I can't wait to hear your first words" I thought, "Boy that's some trick!"
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Joey : [thinking] OK, I have no feelings for Rachel. No feelings at all. She's just a friend. I mean, I might have had some feelings for her, but now they're all gone. All of them. As a matter of fact, I don't think I ever had feelings for Rachel.
[Rachel walks into the room]
Rachel : Hey, sweetie.
Joey : [thinking] I love you.
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[Mona doesn't know that Rachel is living with Ross]
Mona : Listen, Rachel, I appreciate your situation but this is Valentine's Day. So, if you don't mind, would you please just go back home?
[Ross enters with his gift for Mona]
Rachel : What are you talking about? I live here.
Ross : [nervously gives Mona her present] Happy Valentine's Day.
[Mona stares angrily at Ross]
Ross : Or, something to remember me by...
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Phoebe : [Rachel's hormones are raging] She's going through her fourth month of pregnancy. Remember when I was in my fourth month?
Monica : Yes, that was the Evander Holyfield period. You know, you were so hard up, you even came on to me.
Phoebe : Did not!
Monica : Yes, you did.
[puts on a seductive look]
Monica : Listen, Phoebe, I could have had you if I had wanted you.
Phoebe : Oh, yeah? Well, bring it on.
[blows Monica a kiss]
Rachel : Guys! Stop it! This is even turning me on!
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Rachel : [upset] All right, well, if you must know... I had a traumatic... swing incident... when I was little.
Ross : Seriously?
Rachel : Yes, I was 4 years-old and I was on the swing and then all of a sudden my hair got tangled in the chain. And to get me out my mom had to - had to cut a big chunk of my hair.
[she starts crying]
Rachel : And it was uneven for weeks.
Ross : [sarcastically] And you made it through that? I wonder who's gonna play you in the movie.
Rachel : Ok, fine. You can make fun of me. I do not want Emma going there.
[pause]
Rachel : And I was thinking Claire Danes.
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[after Joey told Rachel he loved her, she told him her boss wanted to buy her baby in order to make things less awkward]
Rachel : Joey, I'm really sorry that I lied to you. I was just trying to make things...
Joey : I know. I know.
Rachel : It kinda worked. I mean you know, I don't know about you but I haven't thought about our thing since all this.
Joey : Hey you're right. Yeah, it's kinda been like us again a little bit.
Rachel : Yeah I know. I miss that.
Joey : Me too. I mean I... haven't thought at all about how I put myself out there and said all that stuff and how you didn't feel the same way about me and-and how it was really awkward.
[long, awkward pause]
Rachel : My gynecologist tried to kill me.
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[Everyone is eating dinner at a fancy restaurant. Joey, Phoebe, and Rachel don't want to order something expensive because they can't afford it]
Rachel : I will have the uh,
[whispers]
Rachel : side salad.
Waiter : [whispers] And what will that be on the side of?
Rachel : Uh, I don't know. Why don't you put it right here next to my water?
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Rachel : Ooh, I'm a man. Ooh, I have a penis. Ooh, I have to win money to exert my power over women.
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Rachel : [Phoebe looks sad after finding out Joey's girlfriend, Kristin, was just a loner and not looking for a serious relationship, when Rachel and Phoebe wanted their relationship to work.] Well, I guess it wasn't Cupid that brought her here after all.
Phoebe : No, just another regular flying dwarf.
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[Ross is about to tell Rachel that he loves her before she leaves for Paris, but Gunther walks up to her first]
Gunther : I... I know you're leaving tonight, but I just have to tell you. I love you. I... I don't know if that changes your plans at all, but I thought you should know.
Rachel : Gunther... Oh... I love you too. Probably not in the same way, but I do. And, and when I'm in a café, having coffee, or I see a man with hair brighter than the sun, I'll think of you. Aw.
[kisses him on the cheek]
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[talking about engagement presents for Monica and Chandler]
Rachel : Oh, y'know what you should get 'em? One of those little uh, portable CD players.
Monica : Oh, I already have one.
Phoebe : Not unless someone borrowed it and left it at the gynecologist.
Rachel : Yeah, and-and-and by someone, she means Joey.
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Jill Green : All right, I'm leaving. Because I'm not going to spend one more day with someone whose out to sabotage my every move. That's you Rachel.
Rachel : Yeah, I got that.
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Rachel : [upon receiving her first paycheck] Who's FICA? Why is he getting all my money?
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Rachel : How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow?
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Monica : I am so jealous.
Rachel : You guys are really just right there.Aren't you?
Chandler : Yes... Right where?
Monica : The beginning, where it's all sex and talking and sex and talking...
Chandler : Yeah you gotta love the talking.
Monica : And the sex?
Chandler : Alright we hadn't have sex yet. Okay. What's the big deal? This is special. I want our love to grow before moving to the next level.
Rachel : Oh, Chandler, that is so nice.
Ross : That is really nice... Lying! No way is that the reason.
Rachel : Why? Just because you're not mature enough to understand something like that?
Chandler : He's right. I'm totally lying.
Monica : Then what is it?
Chandler : Kathy's last boyfriend was Joey.
Ross : And you're afraid you won't be able to fill his shoes?
Chandler : No. I'm afraid I won't be able to make love as well as him.
Ross : I was going for the metaphor.
Chandler : Yes and I was saying the actual words.
Monica : Big deal. So Joey has had a lot of girlfriends. That doesn't mean he's great in bed.
Chandler : We share a wall. So either is great in bed, or she just liked to agree with him a lot.
Monica : With you it's gonna be different. The sex is gonna be great because you guys are in love.
Chandler : Yeah?
Ross : Just go for it Chandler.
Monica , Rachel : Yeah you should.
Chandler : All right. All right. I'll sleep with my girlfriend. But I'm just doing it for you guys.
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Rachel : You don't want to try things too fast. You know what happened to the girl who tried things too fast?
Jill Green : No. What?
Rachel : Well... she died.
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Rachel : Cool. "Urkel" in Spanish is "Urkel."
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Rachel : So are things between you and Joey getting any better?
Chandler : It couldn't get any worse. Last night, I spent eight hours calling him, trying to get him to talk to me.
Rachel : Oh, wow. Eight hours. So you could probably really use one of those plug-in telephone headsets, huh?
Ross : Should we all expect Christmas gifts that can be stolen from your office?
Rachel : You shouldn't.
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Chandler : Where is Ross at? Hasn't he checked out yet?
Monica : Are you kidding me? It's not 11:00 yet that means Ross still has 11 mins to check out of the hotel, and Ross has NEVER checked out of a hotel early.
Rachel : Oh yeah that's right. One time Ross and I were at a hotel and we got a late check out... Ross was so happy it was the best sex we ever had!
Phoebe : Ohhhhhhh!
Rachel : That is until he screamed out RADISON at the end.
Phoebe : Yeah that'll kill it.
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Tommy : So, you work at Bloomindales... My mom calls it Bloomies.
Rachel : Yeah, ok, At ease soldier.
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Rachel : Do you know the only person who'd wanna listen to this? A mental health professional. And that's only because they get paid a hundred dollars an hour.
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Rachel : Come on. You guys can pee standing up.
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Rachel : [Phoebe's "sold out" at a corporate massage parlour] Of course I admire you Phoebe! You have principles! I don't have any.
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Joshua Burgin : Oh God, that Special Bond again!
Rachel : Well...
Joshua Burgin : Do you have a brother?
Rachel : No, but one of my sisters had a very... masculine energy.
Joshua Burgin : And how did you get on?
Rachel : Oh, I don't talk to them, they're not very nice people.
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Monica : [as the movers are moving a dresser out of the bedroom] Careful with that, it was my Grandmother's. Be careful.
[Two more movers are moving the giant white dog statue from the balcony]
Monica : If that falls off the truck, it wouldn't be the worst thing.
[She hands the one mover some money]
Ross : [Looking around the now empty apartment] Wow.
Rachel : I know. Seems smaller, somehow.
Joey : Has it always been purple?
Chandler : [to the babies] Look around, you guys. This was your first home... and it was a happy place filled with love and laughter. But, more importantly, 'cause of rent control, it was a friggin' steal.
Phoebe : Hey, do you realize that at one time or another, we all lived in this apartment?
Monica : Oh yeah, that's true.
Ross : Uh, I haven't.
Monica : No, what about the Summer during college that you lived with Grandma? And you tried to make it as a dancer.
Ross : [as everyone awkwardly stares at him] Do you realize we almost made it 10 years without that coming up?
Monica : [to Chandler] Oh, Honey, I promised Treeger that we'd leave our keys.
Chandler : Oh, okay.
[as Monica and Chandler take their keys out of their pockets and place them on the kitchen counter, Ross, Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey, also, take out their keys to Monica's apartment and place them on the kitchen counter]
Phoebe : I guess this is it.
Joey : Yeah... I guess so.
Monica : [Crying] This is harder than I thought it would be.
[Chandler kisses Monica on her head, then hugs her, as Ross does the same to Rachel, whom is also crying, with Ross also hugging Monica, while still hugging Rachel, with Phoebe crying as well]
Rachel : What, do you guys have to move to the new house right away or do you have some time?
Monica : [Monica and Chandler look at each other, with Chandler nodding in agreement] We got some time.
Rachel : Okay, should we get some coffee?
Chandler : Sure.
[They begin walking towards the front door to exit the apartment]
Chandler : Where?
[They group is then seen in the hallway, coming out of the apartment, walking to the stairway, as the camera pans Monica's now-empty apartment, panning from the balcony window into the kitchen, past the refrigerator, to the front door, and finally zooms in on the front door's peephole, which is still surrounded by the yellow picture frame]
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Rachel : Well, oh, Mark, I'm doing this for the wrong reasons, y'know? I'm just doing it to get back at Ross. I'm sorry, it's not very fair to you.
Mark : Ahh! Fair, schmair! Y'know? Look, if you want to get back at Ross, I am here for you. Really? No-no, I say-I say, I say we get back at him right on this couch. Right here!
Rachel : Sorry.
Mark : Okay. I'll just go home and get back at him by myself.
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Rachel : Ever since I was humiliated, I've not been in a very museum-benefitty sort of place.
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Rachel : Oh my God, he Dream Cheated on you!
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Ross : So I don't know if he's testing me or just acting out but my monkey is OUT OF CONTROL!... He keeps erasing the messages on my machine!
Rachel : Oh yeah... I've done that
Ross : And a few days ago he got to the newspaper before I did and peed all over the crossword!
Rachel : I've never done that
Ross : And last night I don't know what he did but there were capers EVERYWHERE!
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Rachel : [goes crosseyed] Wow, must have been Drake.
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Rachel : Aw, this is a present from my boyfriend. It's a Love Bug, ha!
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Rachel : I'm tired of getting clobbered.
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Rachel : I can't go alone to my own Prom, it's too harsh!
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Rachel : [an American] I've got something that's going to make you hap-py!
[replacement bracelet]
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Rachel : Oh, who are you, the Memory Woman?
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Rachel : Oh, could you please, for once, just not remember every little thing?
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Rachel : Okay, walk us through it, honey, walk us through it.
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Rachel : I'm okay. I've got my girls.
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Rachel : You know, when it's not a headboard it's not worth it!
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Rachel : Well, I don't know all the words!
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Rachel : You really think I didn't say "goodbye" because I don't care?
Ross : That's what it seemed like.
Rachel : I cannot believe that after ten years, you do not know *one* thing about me.
Ross : Fine. Then why didn't you say something?
Rachel : Because it is too damn hard, Ross! I cannot even begin to explain to you how much I am going to miss you! When I think about not seeing you everyday, it makes me not want to go! Okay? So if you think that, that I didn't say "goodbye" to you because you don't mean as much to me as everyone else, you're wrong. It's because you mean *more* to me. So there! All right? *There's* your goodbye!
Ross : Rach!
Rachel : What?
Ross : You ca - ! You keep - ! You can't - !
Rachel : What?
[Ross kisses her]
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Rachel : What's the matter with you?
Chandler : Some mean guys at the coffeehouse took my hat!
Rachel : No?
Joey : You're kiddin'?
Ross : It was ridiculous. These guys, they were bullies, actual bullies. We're grown ups, this kinda stuff isn't supposed to happen anymore.
Rachel : Oh, hi.
Ross : Hi.
[they both hug]
Chandler : Oh...
[he turns as if to hug someone]
Chandler : Oh no, wait a minute, I have no one.
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Rachel : I thought I would catch up on my Correspondence.
