Friends (1994–2004)
Elliott Gould: Jack Geller
Photos
Quotes
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Ross : [clinks wine glass] Uhh, excuse me. If I could have everybody's attention. I'm Ross Geller.
Jack Geller : DR. Ross Geller.
Ross : Dad... Please. Anyway, as I was saying, I'm Dr. Ross Geller...
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[Joey has to keep everyone in his apartment]
Judy Geller : Well, we'll get going.
Jack Geller : Bye.
[both leave]
Monica : Hey. How come they get to leave?
Joey : Hey, Jack is a great man. He fought for our country.
Monica : No, he didn't. He pretended to be a Quaker to get out of Korea.
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[Jack knows that Richard is dating a younger woman, but doesn't know that it's actually Monica]
Jack Geller : Come on, tell us.
Jack's friend : Yeah. Is she really 20?
Richard : I'm not telling you guys anything.
Jack Geller : Come on, Rich. It's my birthday, let me live vicariously.
Ross : Dad, you really don't want to do that.
Jack Geller : Ahh, what's a little mid-life crisis between friends?
Richard : Jack, would you let it go?
Jack Geller : Look, I know what you're going through. When I turned 50 I got my Porsche. You... you got your own speedster.
Richard : Guys, seriously, it's not like that.
Jack Geller : Tell you what, maybe one of these weekends you can borrow the car and I could...
Ross : Dad, I beg you not to finish that sentence.
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Jack Geller : Of course you could kick Chandler's ass, son.
Judy Geller : You could kick any ass you wanted to!
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Jack Geller : I remember when we first got engaged.
Chandler : Oh, I don't think I ever heard that story.
Monica : Oh dad, really you don't need to...
Jack Geller : [ignoring her] Well, I'd gotten Judy pregnant. I still don't know that happened.
Judy Geller : [incredulous] You don't know how that happened? Your dog thought my diaphragm was a chew toy.
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Jack Geller : Now, are you his Mother or his Father? What? I've never seen one before! I never even got a chance to pretend I'm okay with it...
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Jack Geller : [watches touchdown on pocket TV at Funeral] God, now I'm Depressed! I mean more than before...
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Jack Geller : I never used to picture you having sex at all. It was a simpler time.